A little more conversation, please

It's a big year for the Chinese this year. They're hosting the XXIX Olympics and the eyes of the world will be on them.

Steven Spielberg has already thrown a spanner in the works by quitting as artistic advisor over China’s position on Dafur. But the truth is, they have more pressing concerns. The Chinese government has admitted that it its citizens’ poor command of English could embarrass the country and lead to ‘unfortunate misunderstandings.’

It’s nothing that a committee or two can’t fix though. The Chinese government had created the ‘Public Welfare English Class for Citizens in the Olympic Community’ and embarked on a massive program to teach the population Basic English. 400,000 English-speaking citizens will be able to confidently approach foreign guests and say ‘Welcome to Beijing, the Host City of the 2008 Olympics.’ More advanced students will spout ‘I recommend visiting the Great Wall of China: It is one of the Seven Wonders of the World.’ Failing that they’ll just sing one of the simple English language songs they learned back during their induction. Probably ‘Smiling Beijing.’

Despite the best efforts of the Chinese bureaucrats I can report that the initiative hasn’t reached Golmud, the dusty salt mining town in the far west of the country. I arrived after three days of torturous travel from Tibet to buy a ticket for the once-a-day train to Lanzhou and the aged ticket seller refused point blank. Her excuse? She couldn’t speak English and made no effort to understand my attempts at hers.

I’d spent the last day of my journey from Tibet cobbling together a phrase from my phrase book featuring the Mandarin words for ticket, train, Lanzhou. The woman simply answered 'No!'. Selling a ticket to a foreigner meant doing more paperwork and she couldn't be bothered. If she were in Beijing she’d be bundled off to a re-education at a Public Welfare English Class gulag and forced to sing ‘Smiling Beijing’ until her eyes watered. But out here noone cared. She was out of the range of prying PWEC eyes and she knew it.

There was only one way I was going to get a ticket for the once-a-day train out of this hellhole. I had to make not selling me one more difficult than selling me one. I didn’t swear. I didn’t rant and rave. I didn’t demand my rights. I consulted my phrase book again and cobbled together another phrase 'Where is the ticket office?' Then I stood at the ticket window pronouncing it very badly, over and over again, in a Chinese accent that sounded like finger nails being scraped across a blackboard.

It worked. The woman broke down, sold me a ticket and screamed for me to go away. Some times it’s better – for everyone – to deal with someone who speaks your language. Even the screwy version of it being propagated by the ‘Public Welfare English Class for Citizens in the Olympic Community’.

As a traveller, you may delight in visiting a foreign country, but not all locals you’ll encounter in difficult situations will be tourist focused. With Secure Sentinel you can always rely on an English-speaking representative in Australia being on hand 24 hours a day. For more information on calling Secure Sentinel from around the world call 1800 022 043 or click here.